Sadly, the feature-length experience of the film offers none of that joy. Unlike its genre brethren (The Core, The Day After Tomorrow or 2012), Geostorm is a deadening facsimile of earlier apocalypses. The main characters are only once physically threatened by the storms they’re racing to stop. The filmmakers woefully underuse their core concept - a malfunctioning weather-controlling satellite network - wasting opportunities to see wild remixes of typical weather. The cardboard characters interact as if they’ve all wandered into the proceedings from other movies. And perhaps most disappointing, they spent so much godforsaken money on Geostorm that it can’t even aspire to the kind of grubby, homemade production value that might bring a smile to your face, in the vein of Birdemic or Troll 2.