REVIEW: Like delivery pizza, 'Hobbs & Shaw' somehow hits the spot

Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham star in Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs and Shaw, directed by David Leitch.

Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham star in Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs and Shaw, directed by David Leitch.

Five reasons Hobbs & Shaw ruled:

1.      Jason Statham and The Rock DEFINITELY have something going on. Do their family members know?  

2.      Idris Elba is totally believable as “black Superman.” It’s either the way he stands or the way he talks, but he definitely has a presence on the screen. As Brixton, a cyborg employed by terrorist organization Eteon, Elba is one of the more formidable and memorable villains in the FFCU – that’s the Fast & Furious Cinematic Universe for the uniformed.

3.      Vanessa Kirby DEFINITELY has a future in this franchise. She plays MI6 agent Hattie Shaw, who is Shaw’s badass sister (but literally becomes a plot device after the first 10 minutes of the movie).

4.      The opening sequence introducing Hobbs and Shaw is really funny and creates the necessary juxtaposition to carry it all the way through the film. But, seriously, they tell the same joke over the next two hours.

5.      David Leitch is fantastic at directing action. He’s like Michael Bay 3000.

Five reasons Hobbs & Shaw sucked:

1.      … what plot?

2.      The lack of car stunts was definitely felt. This was FAST & FURIOUS PRESENTS wasn’t it? The only thing fast and furious was the amount of shine on their bald heads.

3.      I feel like I’ve seen every stunt or set piece in this film somewhere else. The Rock is Captain America – okay, we get it. Are we taking odds on who will grab onto a flying helicopter? Spider-Man? Batman? Cliff Booth?

4.      Kirby and The Rock had nothing going on and they shouldn’t have even tried to begin with. Strangely enough, the mildly incestuous relationship between Kirby and Statham seemed more appropriate.

5.      Statham and The Rock DEFINITELY need to get a room… and figure this out. I’m probably going to see the sequel but I can’t bare any more long-winded (and also terrible) jokes of them dissing each other. Look, nobody’s gonna be richer, stronger or richer than them, so stop emasculating the *checks demographic* 15-year-old boys in the crowd. And you should also stop because apparently neither guy’s supposed to win so we’re never gonna find out who’s stronger anyway. BOO-URNS.

Bonus:

1.      As much as I like ______________, ______________ and ______________, and think they’re really good at what they do, their cameos don’t serve much purpose, do they?

2.      We need to get over Game of Thrones. Stop beating a dead horse. MOVE ON. (Mindhunter is out next week!)

Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs and Shaw gets two and a half stars out of four.

 
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